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Jesus Christ, my family is #$@$ crazy.

On my mother's side we have some very famous architects. The Edbrookes built the Brown Hotel in Denver, the state building in Georgia, the old Chicago train station, helped design the Notre Dame Cathedral, and on and on (yes, there is an Edbrooke street in Chicago). And my 85 year old grandmother who graduated with a BA from Northwestern in 2011 still has the name). My grandmother also pointed out the graveyard where my blessed grandfather was piss drunk and took a corner going 70 and ran over 5 gravestones before being arrested in the 50's. On my father's side we have Generals from the civil war and professors of art history. We also have an uncle who served three tours in Vietnam and later went onto a management job in the FAA after a long career of DUI's. My brother is in prison for life, my two uncles on my mother's side have been sober with AA for over 30+ years after a very serious incident, and I have had many family members die from alcohol and drug addiction.

My girl's father, she is Polish, is a very severe alcoholic and she also has very brilliant people in her family as well.

So.... to the point. Baby is coming in 2 weeks and I want to know what everyone here would suggest in succinct points on how to raise a good person.

That is all. Our families have brilliant and nefarious people, and I have no idea how offspring swings one way or the other.

Please give 5 (or 3 or 1) of your most important points to teach children.

At times I am fucking scared to death.

I mean this in the best way possible - I'm not judging you.

I believe you said you tend to drink a lot. With that and the history of alcohol abuse in your family, you don't want your kid to pick up the same habit. Kids will pick up on what you do, no matter what you say. So I'd say, quit the drinking. Not to mention, it'll be better for your health, especially long-term.

That aside, congratulations!

I'll second what Vik says. Don't preach water and drink wine - quite literally here. That'll never work.

Be the kind of person you want your kid to become. That's not a guarantee for success, but the best chance you will have.

Congratulations, man! The kid will make your life so much richer. So don't be scared, see it as a chance. And far worse people than you have managed to raise decent kids.

Zak wrote:Be the kind of person you want your kid to become. That's not a guarantee for success, but the best chance you will have.

Bingo. Be just and fear not. Common sense goes a long way.

You will have learned as much from the people who got it wrong as those who got it right so don't be afraid to use negative experiences as prompts to show you how it shouldn't be done, and as inspiration to do better yourself. Also, don't be afraid to cut people out of your life who you think will have a negative impact on your child - I'm ruthless in this respect and, though it sometimes costs you a friend or two, it has definitely benefited my children.

Congrats BTW. Give it your best and you'll do just fine

My dad explained alcoholism to me thusly (and I'm completely serious, this is how my dad literally explained alcoholism to a 'just about to go off to college' me).

"Son, you know Barney, he's always in Moe's tavern and always drinking and he's overweight and sick and doesn't have a job."

"yeah"

"And Homer has a job but he has anger issues and while he doesn't drink as much as Barney does would you say he probably also drinks too much?"

"yeah"

"Now Lenny and Carl, you see them in Moe's sometimes and they drink and have a good time, but you don't see them there all the time and they don't get drunk alot, and they both have jobs."

"yeah"

"So, it's OK to be a Lenny or Carl, but if you ever start feeling like Homer Simpson, it's time to get help.'

"Ok dad"

Seems to have worked so far.

My father had six brothers and sisters. All of them were alcoholics to one degree or another. The first and only time I saw my father under the influence was at my wedding. As others have said, the example you set is the most important influence in your child's life. Because my Dad drank in moderation, all of his children avoided the family "Legacy."

Two other points.

Read to your kids, every night if possible, from a few months after birth to the time they enter school. It's the best 30 minutes a day you could ever invest.

Don't always say no, but when you do, and they ask why, don't be afraid to explain yourself. And sometimes, the answer should be "because I said so, that's why."